Your message has been reported to ebay

I hate ebay and I hate the touts that extort fans.  I’ve written about it before.  But mainly I hate them because they write in HUGE CAPTIAL LETTERS always centre justified.  So not only do they have 8 tickets to a gig that has already sold out despite only having been on sale for an hour, they have a terrible eye for asthetics.  They are the worst humans.

I decided to take a small stand.  So I sent one of them a message. The kind of message a mother would send to scold a child: ‘you should be ashamed of yourself’ etc.  5 seconds later I get a reply.  ’your message has been reported to ebay’.  That’s the ebay equivalent of ‘I’m getting my dad on you’. Well bring it on fuckos. I’m ready for a fight.

Going to gigs

Currently there are 85 entries on ebay for Eddie Izzard tickets mostly being offered from ‘power-sellers’ or professional ticket touts. This makes me so angry on a number of levels:

1. Buying tickets to a relatively popular gig is a coronary inducing easy-jet style scramble. Eddie Izzard is a prime example: a 21 night show ’sold out’ in under two hours. Minutes later no less than 80 ebay entries appeared with claims of ‘ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT SEATS! A GREAT XMAS PRESENT’. Yes thank you kind tout what a lovely Christmas present; I was trying to buy them myself but so kind of you to offer me yours instead.

2. For popular gigs that ’sell-out’ in a blink of an eye the re-sell prices are eye-wateringly extortionate. My great Christmas present can set you back £200 (each). I’ve seen tickets claiming to be front row selling for £600 each (10 times the actual price).

3. Gigs that sell out this fast don’t actually sell out at all. My Friday night Mogwai adventure sold out pretty rapidly yet there were masses of empty seats on the balcony.

4. Because ebay profits from this they won’t do anything about it. I bet a vast proportion of their sales come from this market rather than the ‘ooo, I’m clearing out my attic’ market.

There are many other reasons that make this desperately unfair to the fans. I won’t get to see Eddie Izzard this November and I can bet you there are empty seats every night because of this problem.

The only event that does anything about this is Glastonbury who make it impossible for people to resell their tickets. Are they applauded? Of course not. What happened instead? It took months to sell out as well it should and everyone deems Glastonbury a failure because nobody wants to go. Utterly depressing.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. No.

The new Martha Wainwright album is out: I know you’re married but I’ve got feelings too.

I bought it today on Amazon. You can too if you like here. I don’t have a fully formed opinion about it yet other than I’m very excited to hear it in its entirety.

However, she’s been playing the songs live now for a good few months and I managed to catch a couple of her gigs: once at last year’s Glastonbury (a welcome relief from the tedium and the mud); and once at a free gig at the South Bank centre.

One particular song I love is The George Song, written about an ex who killed himself. It’s dark haunting and beautiful and whenever I’ve heard it, it’s just her and her guitar. Perfect.

On the album it is dreadful.

Dreadful.

I’m really not pleased. It’s got a hideous backing track and it’s the wrong bleedin rhythm almost jolly and dancy. No NO No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. No.

This has upset me. And the only live version I can find is a dodgy youtube mobile phone video. I normally despise people for mobile videoing during a gig. But just this once I’m glad. All I’m hoping is that she releases a live album because I don’t know whether I can cope with this watered down dance remix.

Listen to the most of the tracks on her myspace.

And the pant wetting Guardian review is at the bottom courtesy of Zemanta this new blogging prettier helper thinger.

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last minute Eddie

I went to an Eddie izzard gig last night. I only found out about it 5 hours before, rocked up and got a seat in the fifth row. How great is London?
It was billed as a work in progress but it was very much progressed, a full 2 hour show minus the make up and heels.

It was mostly all new material delivered at break neck speed much less wittery and rambling than previous works in progress I’ve seen.

Perhaps it was the tiny theatre or the fact that he was only 15 feet away but it was Eddie at his best. Fuck acting in LA his stand up is awesome (like a billion hotdogs, the dogs bollocks).

The set was about religion, no surprises there, gallopping along on great tangents about girarffs doing charads about tigers, coverting oxes becauses they have such nice big faces, a whole interlude looking up the wikipedia entry for nipple on his iPhone – brilliant stuff. Got a bit waffly towards the end but for a raw late night gig is was fantabulous. I didn’t get home till 3 but then that’s because tfl thinks that night buses don’t need to go to teddington because nobody from there ever goes out. This is mostly true except for me – its either a 50 quid cab or a bonkers 2 hour journey on two buses rambling around the houses in south London.

This is also written on the train on the blackberry so apologies for spelling punctuation and totally lack of pictures- I’ll upload my grainy phone ones later innit.

new blog. No new dog.

Hello world. I watched my boy, dog boy, play a gig last night. It was an upstairs in a pub gig but a gig no less. While I was perched on an uncomfy fake leather sofa digesting a rather nice chicken burger whilst wearing everything I currently had on me due to to a mystery air-conditioning unit, my boy was playing merrily away on stage. And lovely he was to. Shame all the other fuckers in the pub didn’t shut up and listen.

Since when was it acceptable for people to talk loudly and blokeily over someone who’s performing on stage?

They shut up for the other people. Even for the girl with the weedy fairy voice.

check out dog boy and judge for yourselves.